How to Make a Balaclava & Baklava – Decadent Baklava
How to Make a Balaclava and Baklava
Hi! Don’t you hate it when no one calls and it’s Saturday night? Sure, you can pretend you LIKE sitting about at home alone, and you’re not feeling all rejected your latest crush didn’t call! (the bastard. Yeah, so he doesn’t have your number, so what!? If he really cared, he’d find it, and USE it!)
Anyways, while you’re waiting for him to come to his senses, there’s something you can do!
A friend gave me this great book called Saturday Night Hat, by someone or other, and it shows you how to make hats.
You can totally go get the book and makes hats, but I have one for you that’s not in the book!
This hat is useful, and as a bonus, you can make a dessert with a similar name. Cool, huh?
A balaclava is a fancy name for one of those skiing hats that cover your entire face.
Go out and buy the ingredients for the baklava, and on the way, pick up an extra large black beanie.
I hope you didn’t forget the wine, vodka or tipple of choice! Whichever you want, set about making yourself a drink. Life is always better with a drink in one hand.
Your balaclava will not only keep your face warm in the winter months, but it provides good protection for lurking in shadows while stalking your potential beloved. It’s always a good idea to learn his habits, that way, when he notices you, finally, you can be the perfect woman.
Anyways, what you’ll need for this is the list of ingredients (listed below), a good pair of scissors, extra large black balaclava, cotton and thread (if you want to be all thorough about it), booze, and a bedazzler or some glitter (optional).
Get the scissors and cut out the eye holes, and also a mouth hole (you might need to sip some hooch on the long nights of stalking). If you want to be advanced, add nostril holes and then sew along all edges.
If you want, bedazzle or apply glitter to your balaclava and you’re good to go.
Now, make the Baklava. It also doubles well as sustenance on those nights of stalking your new man to be.
Just remember, never wear your balaclava into banks!
Also, winter is a much better time to do your stalking while wearing your balaclava – less conspicuous that way!
Just so you know, this takes about 45 minutes of preparation (so it’s good you have the night to yourself), and then another 30 minutes in the oven.
Baklava is way better the next day, so if you’re going to eat it after it’s done, or take it with you on a stalking expedition (best done later in the evening), get started early and try not to eat it all.
Anways, it’s gonna take 3-4 hours of cooling down time, so that’ll give you some good boozing time (you can tell anyone one who finds you wandering out and about in the bedazzled balaclava this: “hey, officer (or whoever it is), I’m drunk…heading home..was at a party…” If you happen to have some delicious baklava on you, use it as a bribe. But this is why it’s recommended doing such stalkings in this get up at night. Late at night), good plotting and good making your balaclava time!
What you’ll need:
• 3 cups chopped walnuts
• 3 cups chopped pistachios
• 2 cups chopped almonds (unblanched)
• ½ cup light muscavado sugar
• 1 tbsp ground cloves
• 1 tbsp ground cinnamon
• grated zest of one orange
• ½ cup maple syrup
• ½ cup honey
• ½ cup white sugar (or use the muscavado)
• 1 tbsp orange juice
• 1 tbsp lemon juice (both of these freshly squeezed, please)
• 1 stick cinnamon
• ¾ cup water
• 2 lbs filo pastry, defrosted
• 4-5 tbsp melted butter
First off, make sure your defrosted filo is kept covered. Melt the butter and keep warm either on the stove or in a crockpot. Preheat the oven to 350 F/180 C.
In a large bowl, mix together the nuts, zest, spices and sugar (with your hands or a large spoon) until thoroughly mixed.
Get a rectangle baking tray that measures about 17 by 13 inches. Grease it. Place one sheet of filo on the bottom (it doesn’t matter if it overlaps the sides) Brush with butter. Place another sheet on top and brush with butter. Repeat for five layers.
On top of the filo, spread some of the filling until it’s covered. Not too much filling, as we’re going to repeat the process another five times.
This time, do three layers of the filo and the butter. Repeat the filling and filo process three more times. On the last layer of filo, spread the remaining filling. Then fold any overlaps onto the top. Do another five layers of filo and the butter, brushing butter on the top sheet.
Using either a super sharp knife or a razor blade, score the top into triangles. Do this by making squares and then score horizontally through the squares. Then with a sharp knife, cut down along these scores, to the bottom of the pan.
Put a pan with some water in it on the bottom shelf, and then on the middle shelf, place the baklava. Cook for about 45 minutes, or until golden brown on top.
10 minutes before removing from the oven, put all the ingredients for the syrup in a saucepan and bring to the boil. Reduce heat and simmer for ten minutes. Discard the cinnamon stick.
Remove the baklava from the oven, and carefully pour syrup over it, making sure you cover it completely (you can wear your bedazzled balaclava while doing this if you wish).
Allow to cool completely and absorb the syrup. This will take about 3-4 hours. Have a few drinks and watch a movie while waiting.
You can also refrigerate it over night. But let it return to room temperature before you start eating. This helps give it a chewy texture. Enjoy.
Makes about 40 pieces, depending how big or small you cut them.